"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." (I John 2:1,2 NIV)
It is written that "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Rom 3:23 NIV). Knowing that we all have sinned, what then must we do to correct the problem? How do we seek forgiveness and from whom do we seek forgiveness? What must de done to seek the forgiveness? What type of penance must we pay for forgiveness? I will attempt to answer these questions and maybe a few more that pop up into the article.
When we are living a life of lawlessness, we are sinning, for sin is lawlessness. When we disobey the commands of God, we have sinned and we must seek forgiveness. What is one of the first step towards seeking forgiveness? First is to recognize the sin and to repent from it. Repentance is something that many people tend to stumble over. Repent by definition means to turn completely away from. Figuratively it means to do a 180 degree turnaround, to go in the opposite direction. When we are able
to recognize that we have sinned, we stop, turn around, and walk away from it. Repentance is not feeling sorry that you were caught, it is feeling sorry that you did it. I believe (and this is just me, I haven’t heard anyone else express this thought) that what we call our conscience is actually the Holy Spirit working within us to convict us of the wrong that we are doing. Once we repent, we ask for forgiveness, and this is what leads us to the three aspects of forgiveness.
GOD’S FORGIVENESS
What is forgiveness? The dictionary defines forgiveness (forgive) v 1. To grant pardon for or remission of (something); cease to demand the penalty for. 2. To grant freedom from penalty to (someone) 3. To cease to blame or feel resentment against.1 (Emphasis mine) What is the penalty of sin? Death!
When God forgives us, we are no longer bound to the penalty of death. This death is not a physical death, but a spiritual death. When we recognize that we have sinned, we need to confess the sin to God, and He will forgive us. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9 NIV)
The real beauty of God’s forgiveness, is that once He forgives us, He will no longer remember the sin that we committed. "‘This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.’ Then he adds: Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.’" (Heb 10:16-17 NIV) My favorite analogy is this: Your life is always being captured on a VCR tape. Everything you do, everything you say, everything you think, is being recorded. When you sin, it’s caught on tape. When you confess your sin to God, He erases that part of the tape. Once it is erased, it can no longer be brought back. For further insight, open your Bible to Ezekiel 18 and read the entire chapter.
Knowing that God is just to forgive our sins, does this mean that we can continue on sinning? By no means! "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? (Rom 6:1,2 NIV) It is an insult and borderline blasphemy to deliberately sin against God, with the foreknowledge that He will forgive you. Again, focus on Ezekiel 18.
FORGIVENESS FOR OTHERS
"If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent’, forgive him." (Luke 17:3b-4 NIV) As humans, we will fail against our fellow human. When someone sins against us, and they repent, and ask for forgiveness, we are to forgive them. Is it easy? No, it’s not. Our own instinct is to do something in return. To make them pay for the pain and anguish they caused us. We want revenge. Yet, Jesus commanded that we are to forgive them. Part of the "model prayer" states that we are to forgive others, so that we also can be forgiven (read Matthew 6:9-15).
If we don’t forgive the person, we end up carrying a burden that we can’t get rid of. We struggle through life, unaware of what is wrong. Every time we see the person, the anger that we carry, resurfaces. Our stress levels rise, and we tend to lose all sense and sensibilities with that person. That comes from not forgiving the person.
When we forgive the person, we have to no longer blame the person for what they have done. We have to cease to blame them. I know it’s tough, but it is something that has to be done. Forgiving the person means not harboring ill feelings towards them, and not bringing up the incident in a heated argument four years later. When we forgive the person, we cease to blame them for their actions. The four steps to forgiving the person is; 1. Talk it Out, 2. Work it Out, 3. Gossip Never, 4. Friends Forever. Talk to them, explain how much you were hurt. Work on the solution to the problem. Don’t talk to other people and don’t bring it up at a later time to the person. (In other words, don’t throw it back into their face the wrongs that they have done). By doing this, you will have enhanced the Kingdom of God and you will have a friend forever. Is it easy, not at all. But, it must be done.
FORGIVENESS OF YOURSELF
A couple of months ago, I had to stand before the District Board of Ministerial Development. I had to discuss everything about my call into the ministry, my strengths, my weaknesses, and my past. While discussing everything, one of them asked me the same question my dad has asked me, "Have you been able to forgive those that have sinned against you in the past?" My answer was a resounding, Yes! He looked at me and said "Good, now have you forgiven yourself for what has happened?" That question had hit me hard. Had I forgiven myself? By the time I was standing before them, I had. If I was before them, two years earlier, I could have easily said "No".
Once we have acknowledged that we are sinners and that we have disobeyed God, the feeling of disappointment, will overcome us. We now feel "unworthy" of God’s love, because we are not perfect. We start to analyze all that we had done wrong, and carry it with us. God has forgiven you, it is now time that you have forgiven you.
If you carry unforgiveness for yourself, you will find it hard to forgive others. You will find it hard to understand how others can forgive you. You will carry a burden that will weigh you down, and it will deny you the opportunity to fully understand God’s grace and forgiveness.
When God forgives us, He throws those memories in the Ocean of Forgetfulness. Why then are we rowing our boat into the middle of it, trying to dredge up the memories. We must be able to forgive ourselves of our shortcomings or we will never be able to forgive those that have sinned against us.
Forgiveness will lead us into a closer relationship with God. By asking for forgiveness, by granting forgiveness to others, we grow closer to one another and to God. When we repent from our sins, we are a new creation. The old has passed the new has come to life. Once we commit our lives to Christ, it’s time we started living like it and not like the old ways.
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matt 6:14,15 NIV)
Have a blessed week
Daniel G Vandenburg
1. Funk and Wagnalls New International Dictionary of the English Language, Comprehensive Edition Library Guild World Publishers 1987
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7 comments:
Alright, I'll be the first to bite. All in all I agree with most of this. However, there are a couple of things you might want to expound on.
First, it's good to say if you forgive someone you're "friends forever". However, that is not always the case. It depends on what was done to you, and how bad you were hurt. I believe you can forgive someone, but sometimes the scars of what they did are still there and will always be there. If it was a small insignificant thing, you could possibly forgive them and still be friends. But if it was something that went on for a while, hurt you or a person close to you, I don't believe you should always remain friends and maybe distance yourself from that person if need be.
For example, what if you are in an abusive relationship with someone. They hurt you, either physically, mentally or both. They might ask for forgiveness and you could forgive them, but unless they get some help for their problem, it is not advisable to stay in that relationship, especially if there are children involved. I believe you should try to make it work, but for the safety of your family, sometimes you just have to get out. In that case you can remain "civil", but not be friendly.
It is good to forgive someone, but if they keep doing it over and over and if someone is getting hurt bad by the person, then I don't believe God would want you to stay in that relationship.
God is perfect, it is in His nature to forgive and forget. We are human, I don't think He expects us to forget everything and act like nothing happened. Unless he wipes that completely from our mind, it will always be there. Unless you're perfect like God, I don't believe you can totally forget what someone did to you either. Maybe you won't hold it against them, but the memory of that will still be with you as long as you're alive.
I'm glad you have forgiven yourself. I know from experience that is not always an easy thing to do. It sounds like you've learned from your mistakes.
Ok, let the debate begin. Diane
Diane, You make a very valid point with the example of an abusive relationship. Sometimes we equate forgiveness with forgetting, and that’s not the case. God’s forgiveness involves forgetting what we’ve done. Forgiveness is no longer holding that person accountable for what they have done ( see above def.) To stick with the example you gave, which will hopefully answer your other question. (Dad, I’m going to circle the house) Peter was told to forgive how many times, 3 times? 7 times? No 7 times 70 times. The point was that we are to always forgive the person that sins against us. What is the basis of them asking for forgiveness? Repentance, when Jesus talked about us forgiving others, notice the words, “I repent” are found in it. They must truly repent from what they are doing. Remember, repentance doesn’t mean to feel sad that you were caught, repentance is truly turning away and concentrating on never doing it again. True repentance means “I am dead to that lifestyle and I will do everything with God’s help to overcome it.” There are times when “I’m sorry” just don’t cut it. You have to truly mean, you will never do it again. Now, focusing on the abusive relationship, do you forgive them and remain with them. Never having been in an abusive relationship, it would be hard for me to truly understand your situation. I guess it would depend on the level of abuse, some people consider tickling abusive, some people consider not allowing the other person to do what they want as abuse, what I consider to be abusive would be forcefully laying hands on a person in the manner of causing agony, and consistently relegating the person to make them feel lesser than equal in the relationship. These are broad definitions narrowed down for this purpose. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, don’t hang around. Nothing drives me battier than to see a person continue to go back into an unhealthy environment because, “I love him so much and he says he will change.” Until there is actual proof of change, stay away. Does that mean that because you have removed yourself from the situation, that you haven’t forgiven the person? No, it means you are protecting yourself. When you forgive the person, does it mean that you put them in the same situation again? No, it doesn’t. There are still consequences to your actions. Look at King David. His sin, led to his family problems. Did God forgive David? Yes He did, and that’s where we see God forgetting about David’s sin. Many times, throughout Kings and Chronicles, it says about David, and he did no wrong in the eyes of the LORD, or variance of. Now, writing all of this, what does this have to do with forgiving the abuser? Forgive them, but unless there is an absolute work of God within them, do not be with them.
Trying to come up with an easy to remember mnemonic device, and hearing it from a counselor on the radio, the “friends forever” could easily mean “remain civil to each other, especially for the sake of the children”. In most situations, where forgiveness is warranted, it’s usually a small insignificant problem that arises, but has been made bigger than it actually is. Then you can remain “friends forever” Every situation is different and warrants either, “friends forever” or “remain civil . . .”
Thanks and God bless
Daniel
To put an adendum to what I am trying to convey: One of the main points in forgiveness, is to remove the anger and hostility that we feel for the person that has sinned against us.
So...you're going to tell us that you've forgiven everyone who's ever done anything against you in the past and could walk right up to them and give them a big hug? Somehow I doubt you could honestly say that. It is easy to say you forgive and to preach to others to forgive, but not so easy to actually do it, especially if it's something really bad the person has done to you. I think you're a hypocrite, just like alot of other christians. Matthew H.
Matthew H., you are entitled to your opinion. However, I must disagree with your hypocrite statement about Daniel. You see, I have known Daniel for over 15 years, and consider him a personal friend. I will not go into details, but I can tell you that I cannot think of anyone that he wouldn’t be able to have a civil, if not friendly conversation with, even if that person has wronged him, in whatever way. As for going up to someone and giving them a big hug, the bible does not teach us that we should open ourselves up to be hurt by that person again, but we should learn from our experiences. That being said, the bible teaches that forgiving someone should be to allow ourselves to let go of the hurt feelings, and move on, and whether the person is sorry about what they did or if they are even aware that they hurt you is immaterial. It’s not ABOUT them, it’s about YOU letting go. To be unforgiving, or to hold a grudge only hurts you, and rarely ever affects the person it’s directed at.
Also, I want to address another issue. I’m going to pick on Daniel for a minute here (sorry, Dan!) and say that even if there was someone that he has been unable to forgive, that while he should work on that, and really try to forgive that person, that we always have to remember that we are NOT perfect. Not me, not you, and certainly not Daniel! That is why Jesus died on the cross. For you, for me, and for Daniel. Because we are none of us perfect, and that no one is without sin.
God Bless, Kim M.
I've been holding alot of things you've said and done against you. I forgive you and ask you to forgive me for the feelings I've had towards you. --Your sis in Christ
I received this in my e-mail. I thought it would help explain the concept of forgiveness. Hope you don't mind--G.G.
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How To Forgive
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in
the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things
were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when
he had a job.
His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated
him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the
illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger,
resentment and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing
all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the
one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:
"Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me
to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me
to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair
Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't
have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for
I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear
you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - Teach me
To Forgive."
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall
onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw
something red on his shirt.
He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been
was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw
two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.
He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging
on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered
body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on
His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and
Jesus began to speak.
"Have you ever told a lie?" He asked?
The man answered - "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?"
The man answered - " yes. Lord." And the man sobbed more and more.
"Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus asked?
And the man answered - "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain? "
The man, crying now, answered - "yes, Lord."
As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever"? The man's crying
became uncontrollable, for he could only answer - "yes, Lord."
Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt
something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the
blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus,
and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.
Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."
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